I have met more and more couples falling out of the surrogacy world because of IVF costs. I was reading another IM's Blog yesterday and she reports that she has 130k+ and it isn't enough for international surrogacy. At first I thought "she is crazy" and then I sat down and added it all up.....YIKES!

When we first started this I felt really blessed to not be one of those people who does IVF cycle after IVF cycle on themselves before even moving onto surrogacy. I couldn't even imagine the costs of that! Then God taught me that was in fact in store for me as well. I have no uterus and yet we have had three IVF cycles and still no baby!

We have an upcoming RE consult and I should be excited but instead the stats and numbers and future costs are all running through my head. There is this nagging voice that says don't get too excited because you know what happened last year. I'm not a negative person but this is all stats and to pretend "oh of course every dream will come true" is just a bit naive to me. In reality, I could be sitting right where I am today and have spent and other 40k. I know we are in this for the long haul so how can "what if" it does not work, what if my eggs turn to dust? "What if's" can eat me up. I don't want to let my family down again. I don't even want my surros to get excited because I don't want them to have to experience the down sides because of us.

This is my little tiny melt down, stomping my feet asking God to just give me a sign already! If he would just give the date and time I would chill out and go along for the ride......really is that too much to ask? Tell me this works or if we have more disappointments. I can deal with it but I just want to know. I want to be able to prepare the team for the bumps. Come on God...a sign...PLEASE